Change. Change Back.

There is a dance that takes over whenever we try to change something in our careers, our relationships or any aspect of our lives. Our partner in this dance is the resistance with which we wrestle in order to fully actualize that change, an invisible force that generally shows up in the place where we are the most vulnerable, sensitive or frail. This partnership instructs us on . It is the internal battle that must be won before any change we desire can fully take hold in our lives.

In the Dance of Anger, Harriet Learner, Ph.D. calls this phenomenon Change. Change Back. It is when a person makes a foray to engage with someone differently and the other party pushes back to get the other person to go back to their old way of relating.

I was demoralized when I first heard the adage that people treat you the way you taught them or allow them to teach you. I found that a demoralizing thought, because I did not like the way some of my relationships and the truth is that I did not know how I or better yet why?